Dad pens book on life lessons for his sons, others

There’s nothing unusual about a parent presenting a gift to his children. This one took longer to arrive than most.

In “Dear Boys,” which debuted March 15, West Milford resident and first-time author David Chamalian, 57, chronicles his life journey and includes comments – positive and negative – that he solicited from friends, acquaintances, and former and current colleagues.

The book project consumed more than eight years, with a four-year hiatus to try to figure out how to structure it.

“It took a long time to decide how I was going to impart my life story. Even with close dad-son relationships with my boys, as time passes you can’t share everything,” he said.

His wife encouraged and supported the effort. His sons did not see a draft or final version of the book until it was published.

More than penning his legacy, Chamalian sought something tangible to leave his sons.

“It’s not going to be any significant wealth or possessions, it’s this book that spans my life. Perpetuating my story and our family story for them and, hopefully, their children long after I’m gone is something special.”

Chamalian added, “Now in my mid-50s, I’m well into the throes of pondering my mortality, my life’s accomplishments, my past and what lies ahead. More pervasive in my thought and most important to me is the legacy I will leave behind for my two boys.”

He wrote “Dear Boys” for his sons “to leave you bits and pieces of me that might, in some ways, help you solve the riddles of your own lives,” the book says.

Chamalian and his wife, Yetty, raised their sons, Peter, 26, and Archie, 20, in Teaneck before moving to West Milford in 2004.

A banker by profession, with a bachelor’s degree in accounting from Susquehanna University, he satisfied his love of writing and literature by earning a master’s degree in English from New York University.

In the late 1990s and early 2000s, he was a proofreader, writer and senior editor for Exceptional Parent Magazine in Oradell.

Chamalian also is a part-time educator, teaching SAT prep to high school juniors.

“I’ve always been an avid writer and reader, from my earliest days in grammar school and at Cresskill High School,” he said. “I was a good student, a decent multisport athlete and a member of the marching band. I walked the straight and narrow, as I do today, with a focus on college – yet never missed out on going to the Jersey shore.”

Parents’ deaths

At the age of 10, Chamalian and his 13-year-old sister, Robin, experienced the deaths of their mother, Joyce, and father, Peter, in April and September 1976, respectively.

The children’s paternal grandparents, Ethel and Archie, sold their home in Leonia and moved into the home in Cresskill, raising David and Robin as their own until their deaths in the mid-1980s.

“My early memories of my parents are wonderful and joyful, yet their passing was really hard for my sister and me,” Chamalian said. “Not long after, I penned a letter posthumously to my mother as a way to express my gratitude, memories and feelings.

“I write extensively about my grandparents in “Dear Boys,” he noted. “They were caring, loving, tough and intelligent people who created a solid family experience, a strong foundation for us. Gram was the steady rock, ensuring a well-operating and healthy household – everything was in order, and we got anything we needed. Gramps, who ran a rug business in New York City, was the consummate professional and yet a major prankster with a great sense of humor. Archie was my role model. He was athletic, smart, funny, magnanimous, sociable. He gave me his love of reading and writing.”

Chamalian dedicates the book “to the memory of my loving mother and father, Joyce and Peter Chamalian, and my adoring grandparents, Archie and Ethel Chamalian.”

“For if not for them, there is no you and me ... .”

Value of family

“Having lost both parents at a young age and being raised by grandparents shaped my life as a husband and father and the essential value of family,” he said.

He and Yetty put values, education, creativity, athletics, socialization and friendship front and center in raising their sons. Important, too, was having the boys know and appreciate their family histories.

Son Peter, a director of photography in Los Angeles, writes in the foreward to “Dear Boys”: “Ever since he first unveiled the idea to me, I’ve been eager to understand how he was going to format the book. As I turn the pages, I discover that every word is written with so much thought, love and intention. This is nothing short of a life’s work ... a window into heart of a man that wants nothing more than to share his humble wisdom with his two boys. I couldn’t be happier for my dad.”

Son Archie, a college student in Europe and his great-grandfather’s namesake, said, “My father’s stories of travel have always fascinated me ever since I was a little boy, and they have inspired almost every aspect of my life as an adult. I’ve known that he was writing the book for quite some time now, about five years or so, and it has since been in the back of my mind, something I looked forward to.

“There is something about his writing that is so familiar, so reassuring, it is like he is speaking directly to me and my brother. It is the most amazing gift I have ever received, and I am extremely excited for the world to see it as well. Thank you dad, I love you.”

Life in Dubai

An exceptional experience for the Chamalian family was living in Dubai for three years, from 2012 through 2015, for David’s career in banking sales management.

“We all experienced and grew quite a lot in Dubai personally, professionally and culturally,” he said. “My family had a wonderful time, and I worked with and coached salespeople, taught and mentored them. It was an amazing experience for all of us.”

He points out that “Dear Boys” is, if nothing else, a first-person portrayal of his life journey with candid third-party perspectives from many people who have known him.

He includes letters that he wrote during his life to friends, teachers, coaches, colleagues, bosses and others who affected him and shares their responses.

In reaching out to potential contributors, Chamalian wrote, “I feel that seeing who I am through the lens of someone else’s eyes could be more insightful, more refreshing and, yes, even more honest. Success to me is achieving the loftiest title to which a father can aspire: Role model - lodestar even - to his sons.

“I’ve taken on this project with a very thick skin. I’m a big boy and I can take whatever it is you throw at me. Sure, I’ll take the good; I will also take with it the bad,” he wrote.

In all, Chamalian received 49 affirmative responses from people of varying ages and walks of life – from New Jersey and other U.S. states, Dubai and other countries, and educational institutions and the corporate world. Those insights are all part of the book.

There’s the high school friend who called out Chamalian for occasionally embarrassing him about his weight, non-athletic ability, and hurtful points in both private and public settings. Forty years later, Chamalian reached out to apologize.

During his university years, he traveled extensively, including stops in Europe and Asia and later the Caribbean. Learning about new geographies, languages and cultures, he often taught language and literature and with partners founded an English school in the Dominican Republic.

In responding to a then-student named Derrius, he writes, “I struggled at times with the extreme culture shock. I lashed out. I drank a lot, and I could be quite mean at times.”

Chamalian wrote this passage to his sons: “Boys, I jumped headlong into travel without much thought at all ... dove right in without first checking the water’s depth. I cannot necessarily recommend to you the same naïve foolishness. Be a bit more contemplative than I was about decisions to leave your current situation behind for ‘greener’ pastures.”

“Dear Boys” is filled with such commentary, advice and anecdotes as well as Chamalian’s narrative and profound storytelling ability.

There are acknowledgments to individuals whom he has admired, from his parents and grandparents to author Ernest Hemingway, composer Frederic Chopin, philosopher Alyssa Luboff and his wife.

“My hope for ‘Dear Boys’ is to give a gift to my boys and their future families as well as anyone who might enjoy and find value in one person’s journey through time – a time filled with gratitude, great memories, a wonderful family and friends, honesty and joy.”