'I feel insignificant'

BY PATRICIA KELLER
WEST MILFORD — An eighth grade student and several parents spoke at the March 1 West Milford Board of Education meeting about their experiences with bullying, experiences that were stunning to board members and members of the public.

Eighth grade student Gioella Niosi addressed the school board, her mom by her side, giving a heartbreaking description of her experiences with bullies.
“I would like to address you on a topic that has greatly impacted my life - bullying," said Gioella. "This is more than just teasing and name calling. Bullying has impacted my life to the point where I can no longer attend school. Bullying has impacted my life in every way.”
She said that over the past two years her life was threatened on the school bus, she was called names in the hallways, and was also most recently harassed online on social media.
“I’ve been called a slut and a whore,” she said through tears.
She said there was an anonymous survey posted on a social media site rating her as “the most hated kid” at her school. She said she was kicked in the knee when she wore a knee brace for an injury “because they didn't think I was hurt,” had things stolen from her locker, and worst of all, “I was told to kill myself. The only assistance ever offered by my classmates was to help me commit suicide,” she said. “I was told if I died no one would care.”
She said these attacks left her feeling worthless. “I cry every day. I feel insignificant.”
Gioella’s close relationship with her parents helped her through, she said, and gave her the strength to persevere.
“I’m so thankful for my parents and family who supported me during this time. If it wasn’t for their love and help I do not think I would have survived this.”
In addition, Gioella said she feels like she was punished for speaking up on being bullied and that the school did not believe her. She said she was told she could not attend a school club trip to Disney for a conference that she had fundraised and saved up for because “school administration said they didn't want any conflict.” She said she was punished for speaking up on being bullied. “My worst fears came true. I was punished and feel that the school did not believe me. Worst yet, I was blamed for being the victim.”
Still, she tried to hold her head up and put a smile on her face.
“I thought this would show the bullies they did not win; but I am tired. I’m tired of playing the part of a happy teenager when all these horrible words have killed pieces of me. I’m no longer strong enough.”
Gioella and her parents recently made the difficult decision to pull her out of Macopin, and she now receives home instruction.
“I feel the school has turned a blind eye to this topic,' said Gioella. "I feel I was the one who was punished with my cries being ignored. It is my hope that by my speaking up today, we as a school community can prevent other victims of the future.”
A request for comment from school administrators was not returned.
Board, administrative response
Interim Superintendent Anthony Riscica thanked Gioella for sharing her experiences with him and the board. He said he had a conversation with her mom a few weeks prior regarding comments being made on a website that viewers have to sign in to, but was not aware of incidents on school grounds and a bus.
“These are things that we will look into seriously; and we want you to be comfortable and happy as a student for the future; and we wish you all the best, and will be there to help you.”
Kerri Niosi, Gioella's mother, said responsibility also falls onto parents.
“It’s not just the administration, but the parents’ negligence as well," said Niosi. "Parents really need to be more diligent in monitoring their children’s phones.”
Board President Jim Foody said he has been getting many calls and emails about bullying in district schools.
“Just so the public knows, I know this Board has been speaking about the culture and climate in our middle and high school, and we’ve been preoccupied with doing our superintendent search, and will shortly be devoting a lot more time to this subject," said Foody. "It’s unconscionable that some of the acts of some of these kids; I’ve heard it all. I’m not happy. You can’t unfortunately pin it down to any certain individual, but we need to address it and start addressing it aggressively. When a child gets up and others get up and tell me that kids are thinking of suicide, that’s - enough already. We’ve got to act. I don’t want this child taking their life on my watch; I don’t think anybody does. And we really need to take this seriously.”


Parents, trustees react
Tracey Huber, a parent and wife of school board Trustee Glenn Huber, said she has been attending meetings and communicating via email and in person.
“My purpose is to bring awareness to the most troubling issues in our schools, one of which is bullying, and the inadequate response of this district administration to address it,” said Tracey Huber.
She alleged that the 2014-2015 school board voted to un-substantiate Harassment, Intimidation and Bullying cases (HIBS) which included threats of bodily harm and racial slurs, and that HIB investigations are mishandled and improperly reported to the school board. She said the district has “serious flaws in our HIB process,…serious inadequacies in the training and/or possible bias on the part of the administrators responsible for this process," amond other things.
Tracey Huber said that two recent physical assaults on the same student at the high school were common knowledge, and that the attacks were preceded by incidents of bullying by the aggressor students, including one in which she said no HIB investigation was conducted. Huber said there were numerous students in the hallways when these attacks took place and that all of those students were also at risk as a result. She then mentioned an incident at Marshall Hill School where a student “was badly bitten.” She implored the school board to step up and take action to address these issues.
School board Trustee Glenn Huber commented, “I’d like to thank this young lady for her bravery in coming here today.”
“Thank you very much. It’s a very hard thing for you to do what you just did; you should be proud of yourself," said Foody."Behavior like that is just, to me, it’s unacceptable.” At that time a member of the audience spoke from the floor, saying, “She’s advocating for so many others in our schools that are getting bullied.”
What do we do?
Another audience member then questioned, “What are we going to do about it?” Another said, “It’s horrific.”
Pam B, another concerned parent, took her turn at the podium to speak.
“It’s not just the girls; my son has been bullied since the 7th grade.”
She said she found a letter from him stating that he was going to commit suicide, and brought it to the attention of the superintendent at the time. She said he is now in high school and continues to be bullied. She said he advocates for others that are being bullied and cannot speak for themselves, and it has made him more of a target for bullying. She said an incident in which someone threatened his life was submitted for HIB investigation, but was found to be unsubstantiated.
“This is getting out of control; the cutting in the schools is getting out of control (referring to self-mutilation behaviors by some students). The students are under tremendous amounts of stress not only because of the learning and things they have to do in school, but by their peers, which is not fair; and it needs to be addressed, soon. If God forbid anything happened to my son, you would never hear the end of it from me.”
Deborah LaRusso, PTO President of Maple Road School, said that she had personally seen firsthand the survey polls online that Gioella spoke of, since they were shared by students around the district.
“It was appalling; it was disgusting.” She said she saw lists for ’the most hated girl in the school’ and another inappropriate list of a sexual nature about teachers. “For this to be going around in 7th and 8th grade is kind of disgusting. I have a child going into 7th grade in the fall, and it scares me to death because I don’t want him to get wrapped up in a situation where he is afraid to go to school, or he is afraid to confide in somebody or to go to somebody if he is having a problem.” She said she also saw the fight at the high school “…because everyone records on their cell phones, and it gets around.” LaRusso added, “I fear for some of our children’s safety.”
Riscica asked LaRusso “Where does one have access to this poll?” LaRusso said it was posted anonymous on a social media site similar to Snap Chat, and was a type of App that was discussed at the district’s recent HIB/Cyberbullying Parent Presentation.
Parents responsibility too
Kerri Niosi, Gioella’s mother, elaborated that it was the App site ASKFM where these things were posted, and that some of the posts had been taken down from the site after she had contacted the State Police. She said although users of this App may post anonymously, their IP addresses can be traced, however there are some limitations. Niosi also said that it is too easy for anyone to create a false identity on that site; and be able to “follow” anyone that has that App.
LaRusso said the same could be said for other similar Apps that students are using.
“So this is what we’re dealing with now?” Riscica asked.
Niosi interjected, “It’s not just the administration, but the parents’ negligence as well; parents really need to be more diligent in monitoring their children’s phones.”
Riscica commented that one of the things mentioned by Specialist Melissa Straub during the district’s HIB/Cyberbullying Parent Presentation noted a law in the works that will hold parents responsible for some of these things. Riscica said, “I’m not saying that’s the cure, but…as I said before, we need to work together on a lot of things. We can’t have control - I can’t have administrators spending time looking at Apps during the course of the day when we are worried about student scores and everything else; but certainly if you have something you can bring it to us, and we can only do what we can; but it doesn’t sound like we can do much with the information from there.”
Niosi said holding parents accountable for their children’s actions may help end the “not my child” mentality.
Another parent, who later requested that her name be withheld, spoke about her daughter being “severely bullied” by a number of girls last spring. She said the group of girls goes by a name with a number, in which many people are aware of. She said she has presented administrators with copies of bullying chats and other messages from social media outlets; but said that despite reassurances from the district, nothing was ever done.
“So many other girls suffered from these same particular girls that were bullying everyone, horrifically.”
She also said kids were sending nude pictures and deleting on Apps at home. “I think it’s a disgrace that parents don’t know what’s going on, and they say ‘not my kid’.”
She said her daughter was also subjected to the negative surveys posted online. She said she wasn’t planning to speak on this, but added, “I think someone else should speak up about this because these particular girls have ruined so many of our girls’ lives.”
At the end of the public comment section of the meeting, Riscica had this to say:
“We heard a lot of negative things, and I’m really concerned about all of these issues; but we have to understand too that the district is moving ahead, and we’ve had more professional development. I’m proud of the staff and administrators in doing lots of work here; but again, it’s a continued process, it’s growth; and dealing with this App situation is something that is extremely difficult. I can’t say that people are ignoring what they are supposed to be doing, maybe misinformed, whatever the case may be; but we are working in a better direction to assist those students that are having troubles in all of our schools at any grade level. I just wanted you to know that.”
Riscica encouraged anyone with any concerns or questions to reach out to him or anyone else, building principals, and “we will work together.”
BOE Trustee Steve Drew said “There may be a misconception about the HIBS; they do not represent the totality of bullying that is going on. There is a very specific legal requirement that was developed by the state of New Jersey to qualify for a HIB, as Ms. Huber pointed out. So there are cases of severe bullying that simply do not meet the legal definition of HIB.”
Trustee Huber added, “Which is not to say that bullying wouldn’t be handled under Code of Conduct, like it would have been before the HIB law ever came into effect. Bullying is still bullying, it’s just whether or not it’s considered, if it fits that particular law or whether it goes under Code of Conduct. Either way, action needs to be taken.”

Foody said he has been getting a lot of phone calls and emails regarding bullying in the district.
“It’s not fun to be reading this, and reading the stories that some of these kids are going through," said Foody. "I would encourage all of our staff to make, really, that their number one priority. The welfare of every student in this district is paramount to us succeeding, and I would hope that all staff members would really take that to heart. Some of these stories I’ve heard…they’re heartbreaking, and I don’t want to see any kid go through what some of these kids have gone through; so I hope that it can be addressed, and with a vengeance by staff.”