The ancient Greeks called love “the madness of the gods.” You can’t wish it into your life or wish it away. It’s unpredictable, it can hit like a thunderbolt and have you singing love songs. You can’t make someone love you or stop them from loving you. Love comes from within – and it’s biochemical.
Through the use of brain scans, researchers at Trinity College in Dublin determined that certain parts of the medial prefrontal cortex area of the brain are instrumental in making judgments as to compatibility and physical attraction. This is likely to occur within milliseconds of eyeing up a new face. So while you are admiring those pretty blue eyes or rugged good looks, your chemicals are on the move.
It’s not what you say
Psychologists’ studies indicate that it takes one and one-half to four minutes to decide if you are attracted to someone. It’s not so much what is said at the time, which only accounts for about seven percent of the attraction. Tone and speed of voice comes in at 38 percent and body language at a whopping 55 percent.
Love in stages – and lyrics
A Rutgers University research professor of anthropology, Helen Fisher, has proposed that three stages of love exist: lust, attraction and attachment.
Lust
“You must understand that the touch of your hand makes my pulse react, that it’s only the thrill of boy meeting girl, opposites attract.”
Pure and simple, lust is driven by testosterone and estrogen in both males and females.
Attraction
“When the moon hits your eye like a big-a pizza pie, that’s amore.”
Attraction is the love-struck stage. Scientific research indicates the involvement of three neurotransmitters: adrenaline, dopamine and serotin.
Adrenaline:
“The object of my affection can change my complexion from white to rosy red.”
Your heart starts to thump, your mouth goes dry and you may perspire a bit. You’re not ailing, you’re reacting to the surge of adrenaline that accompanies new love.
Dopamine:
“You don’t need analyzing, it is not so surprisin’, that you feel very strange but nice.”
New couples have high levels of dopamine. Suddenly you can stay up all night, you don’t eat, your energy level soars. Dopamine is released when something gives you pleasure – then you want to do it over and over again. It echoes the effect of using cocaine or nicotine.
Serotin:
“Night and day, you are the one, only you ‘neath the moon and under the sun, whether near to me or far, it’s no matter, darling, where you are, I think of you day and night.”
Blame it on serotin. Blood samples of couples who had been in relationships for less than six months had low serotin levels, quite similar to patients with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.
“At last, my love has come along, my lonely days are over, and life is like a song.”
So you’ve found that ideal partner. He or she is just perfect, no faults to be found. Or perhaps this is the blinders-on period as you progress to the next stage.
Attachment
“Picture you upon my knee, just tea for two and two for tea, just me for you and you for me alone…”
This stage keeps couples together long enough to have and raise a family. The powerful hormone oxytocin, also called the “cuddle hormone,” is released during intercourse and is believed to deepen the attachment between partners. Oxytocin is also released during childbirth, sealing the bond between mother and infant. Furthering the oxytocin maternal theory, studies have shown that when oxytocin was blocked in rats the mother rats rejected their offspring. Conversely, when oxytocin was introduced into virgin rats they demonstrated maternal feelings towards other females’ litters.
Love in music and verse
So as research continues in the labs, for many generations song writers have gotten it right. Without knowing the science behind it, they have known how to put those loving feelings to music.
Perhaps the best description of love, or what it should be, is found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a in the Bible. “Love is patient, love is kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”
Lyrics from: “Tea for Two,” Irving Caesar and Vincent Youmans; “At Last,” Mack Gordon and Harry Warren; “That’s Amore,” Harry Warren and Jack Brooks; “You’re Just in Love,” Irving Berlin, “Night and Day,” Cole Porter, “The Object of my Affection,” C. Poe, J. Grier and P. Tomlin, “What’s Love Got to Do With It,” T. Britten and G. Lyle.
Sources: www.psychologytoday.com; www.bbc.co.uk; www.parade.com; medicaldaily.com; youramazingbrain.org;