Rebuilding his life

BY LINDA SMITH HANCHARICK
WEST MILFORD — Michael DellaPenna loved to build things when he was a kid growing up in West Milford. He loved Legos and the world to which he would escape when building with them.
DellaPenna would grow up to work for a time in the construction industry, still building, this time real houses for real people.
Now, DellaPenna is rebuilding. Not with a hammer and nails or Legos. He is rebuilding his life, a life that has been ravaged by drug addiction. It's been a long time since things have been good for this shy, sweet 27-year-old young man.

DellaPenna sits in the Morris County Correctional Facility after being sentenced for crimes he committed to support his heroin addiction. He is also waiting for sentencing in Passaic County for another charge.
He turned himself in, with the help of Det. Michael Malfetti of the West Milford Police Department, back in September, for burglaries he had committed in Pequannock.
This isn't his first stay behind bars. However, he is making strides in his recovery, in understanding how he got here and why.
And most importantly, learning how to stay clean and be the person he is meant to be.
Before heading off to jail, he posted a statement on Facebook. He knew he would be going away for his crimes and wanted to try and make amends to those he has hurt.
“The main reason for this post is to apologize to every single person that was affected by my addiction," said DellaPenna in the Sept. 30 post. "I want to apologize to those I stole from, those I lied to and those I let down. Now I know my apology doesn't really mean much to anyone, and quite honestly I don't feel as though I'm deserving of forgiveness at this point in time. But for those of you that know the real me, the me that's not on drugs, I am a very passionate, loving, caring, empathetic person with a great heart.”
Malfetti reposted the message on the police department website, looking to help others in the grip of addiction.
“There are more good people than bad,” Malfetti said. “I will try my hardest. We will sit with you and get you the help you need.”
Malfetti does know DellaPenna because of the trouble the young man has been in, starting with mischief crimes when he was a kid. But, Malfetti pointed out, that's not who Michael is.
“He is not a bad kid,” said Malfetti. “All of his adult crimes were drug related.”
And while that doesn't excuse what he's done, Malfetti said it also doesn't define the young man either.
DellaPenna sat with The West Milford Messenger in a conference room at the Morris County jail recently. In his regulation tan jumpsuit and sneakers, he described how he ended up here.
There is a sadness about DellaPenna when he talks of his journey; a remorse for decisions he's made that have led him here and wishes that things would have gone better in his life.
Like many kids, DellaPenna loved Legos and football. He would build things for hours at a time. And he was an excellent football player, especially in high school where he played linebacker and was named captain of the varsity team when he was just a sophomore. It was a constructive outlet for him and helped get his mind off some difficulties in his life. His parents had split up when he was pretty young and he and his older brother lived with their dad.
His mom was a heroin addict.
He suffered from depression back in middle school, which, he said, went untreated. When he was 15, he smoked pot for the first time. He said it was the first drug he ever did and he did it to fit in and feel good about himself.
A week after his first time smoking, his mother committed suicide.
At 16, DellaPenna drank alcohol for the first time. He liked it. It made him feel "giddy and happy." And it was then he realized that different substances had different effects on him.
"I thought 'this is great'," he said.
His grades were slipping and he had to go to summer school the summer between his sophomore and junior years. But his family was planning a cruise. He chose to skip summer school and go on vacation. He couldn't play football anymore because of it. It was a big loss to him.
"Football helped," he said. "It was an outlet for me. Junior year I wasn't playing." That's when things really went south for him.
He said he didn't have many friends and felt like an outcast. He was seeking attention. He experimented in high school, trying “almost everything" his senior year.
"I was having fun, living the party life," he said, including after he graduated. His girlfriend at the time went away to college after graduation and he returned to the friends who liked to party.
He didn't have any dreams of his own, he said.
Never did, even as a young kid.
A friend introduced him to oxycodone. They split the friend's one pill, and DellaPenna said it opened a door to him he wishes he had never approached.
Oxycodone is a synthetic opioid pain reliever, and very addictive. It is found in pain medications, including Percocet, and in a time-released version called OxyContin.
When he was 19 or 20 - he doesn't remember exactly - he started using heroin. He snorted it for a couple of years before shooting it.
What made him shoot for the first time?
"I was curious," DellaPenna said. "That's what led to most of my experimenting. Curiosity."
And friends. He said some of his friends were shooting heroin and he decided he would too this one night.
"I was scared," he said. "The first time was too intense. I thought I was OD'ing."
He went to rehab for a 28-day program at the urging of his girlfriend. After he got out, he stayed clean for a few months and then started using again.
"Twenty-eight day programs don't work," he said. "They just don't work."
That's a sentiment echoed by Malfetti. Long-term rehab is what addicts need, according to the detective.
DellaPenna also said he is an emotional and sensitive person. He has feelings of insecurity and struggled with a learning disability.
"I'm not a tough guy," he said. "I don't like the person I am."
Over the next few years, DellaPenna vacillated between using and being clean. He resorted to crime, many times in order to feed his addiction. He would break into cars and houses, looking to steal stuff he could sell. He wasn't very good at it. He was arrested close to 20 times.
"I'm not a very successful criminal," he said.
After serving time at the correctional facility in Annandale, DellaPenna came home in 2013. He had a job working construction and a new girlfriend. He stayed clean for nearly two years, relapsing for a couple of months in 2014.
But he got clean again and was driven by his construction work and working out at the gym, both outlets for him.
But in September, 2015, he relapsed again, and this downward spiral seemed endless to him.
"I just couldn't stop," he said. "I needed to detox. I couldn't sleep, I was sick."
He was back to burglarizing cars to support his habit. He knew this wasn't how he wanted to live and that's when he reached out again to Malfetti, the detective who always offered help.
This time, DellaPenna accepted that help. Malfetti went with DellaPenna to turn himself in on Sept. 30, 2015.
DellaPenna knows he has a long road ahead. He detoxed in prison. While in the Morris County Correctional Facility, he started attending non-mandatory Narcotics Anonymous meetings through the substance abuse counselor Michael Blasco. These meetings have made a big difference to DellaPenna.
"I've learned I can't do this alone," he said.
The meetings he attends three times each week are "a fellowship," he said. It's a 12-step program that includes spirituality. They share at these meetings, have respect for each other. And that helps.
"If I could go back, what would I tell myself? Drugs ain't gonna help. It's a temporary fix," he said. "I just wish I didn't use that first drug. No one wants to be controlled by a powder."
DellaPenna will serve his time, depending on the outcome in Passaic County, do one year in rehab followed by probation. He hopes to go to a half-way house. And back to work doing carpentry or electrical work. He liked the work he did before, the finishing work on the houses newly built. Now, he is rebuilding his own life.
“I want to stand on my own two feet,” he said. “I'm trying to change my life.”

This is the second in a series on heroin. To read more, go to westmilfordmessenger.com.