One of the best arguments I ever had was about whether a person stands in line or on line.
I was standing on line with my husband Bob waiting to buy movie tickets to see Stay Online. (Okay, it was Jaws, but I couldn’t resist.)
It was a bit of a wait, and the guy in front of us was getting agitated.
“How long are they expectin’ us to stand in line here,” he groused. “This ain’t fair.”
I opened my mouth to reply, even as Bob looked at me sideways to preemptively tell me to shut up.
I settled for asking the fellow his name.
“Stumpy Carlson,” he snarled. “Why? What’s it to you?”
Well damn, I wasn’t expecting that. Here I was trying to mind my own business to the extent possible, and I have to explain prepositions to a guy named Stumpy.
“Well, Mr. Stumpy, I don’t know where you’re from, but here in Orange County we stand on line, not in line.”
That did the trick. Stumpy grabbed the arm of the woman next to him, got off line, and stomped away. I guess he had an inferiority complex and figured he was in over his head.
I’ve had similar disputes with other people who were wrong.
My neighbor Dave had the poor sense to make fun of me when I called to invite him over for supper.
“You mean dinner,” he said.
“No, I mean supper.”
“That’s Ozark talk,” he told me. “I grew up in San Francisco, and we say dinner.”
After I uninvited him for supper, he hung up on me and got drunk.
But to return to the in/on situation for a moment, both Bob and another neighbor, Nancy, have confessed that they grew up on Long Island. I concur with their word choice, which means very little since I’ve rarely been on that place.
However, despite their prepositional birthright, they’ve been outranked by New York’s Governor Kathy Hochul who recently told reporters that she “visited in Long Island,” which actually means she was “campaigning on Long Island.”
In her defense, she’s from Buffalo and probably watches a lot of football instead of studying parts of speech.
Then there’s the down/over situation. If I ever visit Long Island, which is unlikely since I’m not running for office, I would go down to Long Island. Bob, however, would say, “I’m going to the island,” thereby avoiding the prepositional quagmire and the crazy idea of actually naming the place he’s going.
(And as far as I’m concerned, Long Beach Island, New Jersey, is “the island,” since that’s where I spent summers growing up and where I first kissed a boy. Of course Bob’s retort to that was, “You only got a kiss on your island. I, on the other hand...”)
Okay, let’s move on before I reveal TMI.
Where were we.
There’s other stuff besides prepositions that have a regional twist to them. Consider the following. Do you say...
Highway...freeway...or quickway
Sub...hoagie...or hero
Rotary...roundabout...or traffic circle
Sneakers...tennis shoes...or trainers
You guys...you lot...or youse
If you’re from Orange County, you probably say quickway, hero, traffic circle, sneakers and you guys.
As for those who say youse, fine, you can’t help being from the Bronx. But please ... just don’t talk.
Do any of you guys know someone who uses different words than you? I’d like to hear about it for a possible future column. Send an email to huckquinn@gmail.com. Thank you!