Oak Ridge woman turns personal loss, social work career into grief support

Maria Ojeda Pasterchick is no stranger to tragedy.

In August of 2004 her husband, Jose Louis Ojeda, died from cancer when their sons Joseph and Mathew were only 12 and 11, respectively. Two years later she had her own battle with cancer. Pasterchick, who holds a master’s degree in social work used her personal and professional experiences to help others experiencing loss. Her approach is to help others not to get over grief but to grow around it.

Pasterchick was born in Paterson and grew up in Totowa. Her grandmother, Nunziata Minardi, was her role model. At age 64, when her husband died suddenly, she took up the reins of the family business and worked almost until her death at age 95. Pasterchick saw strength and courage in how her grandmother handled adversity and applied the approach to her own loss.

Originally, Pasterchick planned a career in early childhood education but an internship at the Division of Youth and Family Services (DYFS), currently called the Division of Youth and Family Services (DCPP), realized helping others therapeutically is where her interests lie. She has grief certification through several programs, including the David Kessler Grief Education Certification, the Efficient Certification Grief Program, and various online courses through Good Grief. She had a long career with DYFS in many locations and positions and retired in 2021 as the local office manager at the DYFS/DCPP Morris East office.

Her fellow parishioners at St. Thomas the Apostle in Oak Ridge knew her personal and professional experience with grief and suggested she start a grief support group. She agreed and she and a friend started the group in 2021 with the help of the Good Grief organization. The group is faith-based, and all faiths (or none) are welcome. The group is for any type of loss...parent, partner, child or even a pet. Meetings combine education with opportunities to talk about loss. The meetings are held every other Wednesday at 7 p.m. at Saint Thomas Apostle Church, 5635 Berkshire Valley Road, Oak Ridge.

Pasterchick remarked about one group participant whose description of her loss stood out as an example of how grief is highly individualized. When the participant’s husband died, she felt as though she lost an arm, but when her daughter died, she felt she lost her lungs.

Pasterchick, along with another woman named Alyssa, is starting a new grief group specifically for teens because they grieve differently from adults. Adolescence already brings major physical and emotional changes which may cause teens to have difficulty expressing grief. Grief can leave them isolated and, in some cases, lead to unhealthy coping. Pasterchick believes unresolved grief can follow a young person into adulthood.

The group, Grief and Teens, is a peer support group. Pasterchick will initially facilitate the group while training two young adults to eventually take over as peer facilitators. Their first meeting is on Sept. 29 at the Twiggs Youth Ministry Center, St. John Vianney R. C. Church, 2823 NJ 23, Stockholm.

Pasterchick disputes some long-held beliefs about grief such as the commonly described stages of grief occurring in order; they do not and the stages can be revisited. Years later, a person may experience what she calls a “love burst” when an unexpected scent or song brings back memories causing a burst of tears. Other belief corrections are: There is no universal timetable in managing grief and the goal is not to eliminate grief but learn to “live with the loss and grow around it.” She acknowledges grief work is “hard work” but necessary work for future health and happiness. Pasterchick also provides individual grief counseling.

Pasterchick is planning two grief-related podcasts, one with a bishop and one with widows.

Pasterchick’s grandmother showed her how to conduct her life after the loss of a husband, and she believes God gave her the mission to help those dealing with grief.